Editor’s Note: This is a story from “both sides of the fence.”
“I nailed it when I picked orthopaedics, for sure.” Let me tell you why I feel this way. Just before beginning medical school, I worked at a fitness center. A client I worked with had not progressed the amount of weight he was lifting. I suggested a gradual increase but then saw some notes about him that said, “low back caution.” Embarrassed by my suggestion under the circumstances, I backtracked. He said, “It’s okay, I’m an orthopaedic surgeon.” I said, “I want to be.”
That exchange led to a beautiful mentoring relationship during my medical school years. I asked if I could visit his clinic to shadow him. He said yes. When I asked if I could go to the OR with him, he also answered in the affirmative. Sometimes I would show up on days when classes were unexpectedly cancelled, and I was welcomed. Once, to show my appreciation, I brought a soda and a sandwich for him to the OR. He then broke the news that “you can’t have food here.” He helped me understand boundaries without humiliating me.
When I was ready to apply for residencies, I knew orthopaedic surgery was the only field I was interested in. The local university program took three residents a year. Over time they had accepted three females. One did not finish the program for various personal and departmental reasons. I wanted to be their fourth.
I was heartened to know that my mentor was on the residency selection committee. He let me know that “we’re going to take you.” Sometime later he told me, “You’re out.” They traditionally take only one in-state applicant, and the program wants a goalie for the orthopaediac hockey team. My home state competition was a player.
In the end, they rated each of us highly enough so the goalie and I both got into the program. How much my mentor had to do with the program’s decision is unclear. I do know that he always “saw me and supported me.” He knew how seriously I wanted in.
The Match experience its uncertainty helped me realize that there are some decisions we have no control over. In response to the educational limbo, my husband was prepared to leave his job to move to the city where the Match would send us. When the letter arrived and the results became known, he said “We’re happy, aren’t we?” We truly were.
My residency proved to be a satisfying experience. The residents meshed well and worked together effectively. The attendings were supportive and that enhanced my educational experience.
In my first and only position as an attending orthopaedic surgeon, I was blessed with yet another wonderful mentor and sponsor. He was my chairman. I was the first female staff orthopaedist in his program. After realizing I was pregnant for the first time, he was the second person I told. I met with him and his wife personally to discuss the situation. He said, “If anyone says anything negative to you, I will take care of it.” He was exceptionally supportive, and I am grateful. I feel like “I got away with it” and had no problems with beginning my family despite being older than is ideal. My husband and I went on to have three daughters, all healthy. Thankfully, I experienced no pregnancy or post-natal complications.
That’s why I say, “I nailed it when I picked orthopaedics.” I chose a career that I love, had excellent mentors and trained and worked in pleasant environments. I still do. I understand that my positive experiences have not been shared by all.
I have learned a lot about the mentor/mentee relationship over the years. To be effective, a mentor must “be present.” Being face to face in a room to discuss issues of importance is key. A mentee should not be made to feel like they are delaying something more important for the mentor. A mentor’s true attention is a gift. Today with technology, it is possible to carry on mentorship over a distance and it can make lifelong mentoring/sponsorship possible.
That said, a good mentoring experience requires “kindling” to get it started. The relationship can only grow with attentive care in the beginning when the necessary trust is being built. I feel blessed to have had great mentoring on both ends of my career.
Would I do my career over again in the same way? Yes, I would.
Here are my suggestions for others to consider during training and career:
- There is good and bad in every situation at work and in life. Try to see what is positive. It makes living easier.
- We don’t have control over every situation.
- We do have control over our behavior. As women, we must focus on the facts and leave out the emotion. “Keep it under control” so we can function at our best and be effective in the environments we exist in.
- If you choose to be a mentor, give your mentee your genuine attention, even if your sessions are short. Be present. It is the most valuable gift you can give them.
